"We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society"
About this Quote
Martin flips the usual coming-of-age myth on its head: we do not arrive as blank slates waiting to be enlivened by personality; we arrive as personality and spend the rest of our lives being sanded down into someone other people can tolerate. The bite is in her choice of adjectives. "Charming, fresh and spontaneous" are the traits we romanticize in babies and artists, the socially sanctioned version of chaos. By stacking them before the corrective "must be civilized", she frames civilization less as enlightenment than as containment.
The subtext is classic Miss Manners: etiquette is not frill, it is infrastructure. Civilization here isn't about polishing silverware or memorizing which fork is which; it's the unglamorous work of learning limits - how not to impose your immediacy on everyone else. "Fit to participate" sounds almost bureaucratic, and that's the joke: society is a club with rules, and your raw authenticity doesn't grant you membership. It has to be translated into forms that don't injure, interrupt, or exhaust.
Context matters. Martin wrote as an advice columnist in an era when "be yourself" became a cultural commandment and "authenticity" started functioning as a moral get-out-of-jail-free card. Her line needles that trend by insisting spontaneity is morally neutral. Your unfiltered self can be delightful; it can also be loud, entitled, and oblivious. Civilization is the compromise between freedom and friction, and Martin is reminding readers that manners are less about repressing the self than about making coexistence possible.
The subtext is classic Miss Manners: etiquette is not frill, it is infrastructure. Civilization here isn't about polishing silverware or memorizing which fork is which; it's the unglamorous work of learning limits - how not to impose your immediacy on everyone else. "Fit to participate" sounds almost bureaucratic, and that's the joke: society is a club with rules, and your raw authenticity doesn't grant you membership. It has to be translated into forms that don't injure, interrupt, or exhaust.
Context matters. Martin wrote as an advice columnist in an era when "be yourself" became a cultural commandment and "authenticity" started functioning as a moral get-out-of-jail-free card. Her line needles that trend by insisting spontaneity is morally neutral. Your unfiltered self can be delightful; it can also be loud, entitled, and oblivious. Civilization is the compromise between freedom and friction, and Martin is reminding readers that manners are less about repressing the self than about making coexistence possible.
Quote Details
| Topic | Ethics & Morality |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
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