"We teach people how to treat us"
About this Quote
“We teach people how to treat us” is pop-psych packaged as a moral dare: if you’re getting disrespected, look in the mirror, not at the offender. Coming from Phil McGraw, a TV psychologist whose brand is tough-love accountability, the line is engineered to jolt. It compresses messy relational dynamics into a single lever the audience can pull: your boundaries. That’s why it works. It offers agency in a culture addicted to helplessness narratives, and it does it in language simple enough to remember in the heat of an argument.
The subtext is sharper, and a bit thornier: tolerance is instruction. Every time you laugh off a cruel joke, answer a midnight “u up?” from someone who never shows up for you, or stay quiet when a coworker steamrolls you, you’re not just enduring behavior; you’re normalizing it. McGraw’s “teach” reframes passivity as communication, turning silence into a curriculum. It’s also a subtle endorsement of performative consequence: treat disrespect like a misbehavior you can extinguish by changing the reinforcement.
Context matters because the maxim is both empowering and potentially accusatory. It’s at its best when it’s about boundaries and self-respect: you can’t control other people, but you can control access to you. It’s at its worst when it slides into victim-blame, implying that harm is primarily a failure of personal policy rather than power, coercion, or danger. The line thrives on that tension: a catchy truth that feels like a key, even when the lock is more complicated.
The subtext is sharper, and a bit thornier: tolerance is instruction. Every time you laugh off a cruel joke, answer a midnight “u up?” from someone who never shows up for you, or stay quiet when a coworker steamrolls you, you’re not just enduring behavior; you’re normalizing it. McGraw’s “teach” reframes passivity as communication, turning silence into a curriculum. It’s also a subtle endorsement of performative consequence: treat disrespect like a misbehavior you can extinguish by changing the reinforcement.
Context matters because the maxim is both empowering and potentially accusatory. It’s at its best when it’s about boundaries and self-respect: you can’t control other people, but you can control access to you. It’s at its worst when it slides into victim-blame, implying that harm is primarily a failure of personal policy rather than power, coercion, or danger. The line thrives on that tension: a catchy truth that feels like a key, even when the lock is more complicated.
Quote Details
| Topic | Respect |
|---|---|
| Source | Verified source: Dr. Phil's Ten Life Laws (Phil McGraw, 2023)
Evidence: Life Law #8: We teach people how to treat us.. Primary-source wording (on Dr. Phil's official website) that contains the exact sentence. The page is dated May 25, 2023 and presents the line as 'Life Law #8'. However, this web page is not the FIRST publication of the idea/phrase, it's a later re-publication. Multiple secondary references (e.g., WorldCat records and retailer TOCs) indicate the 'Ten Life Laws' content appears in Phil McGraw's book 'Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters' (1st ed., Hyperion, ©1999), where a chapter/section is titled 'We Teach People How to Treat Us' (often listed as Chapter 9 in TOCs). I could not verify the exact quoted sentence with a scan/photo of the 1999 book text itself (page-level confirmation), so I cannot responsibly claim the book page number or prove it was first spoken/published there, only that it is strongly indicated by library catalog metadata/TOCs. Other candidates (1) The Complete Guide to Understanding, Controlling, and Sto... (Margaret R. Kohut, 2008) compilation95.0% ... We teach people how to treat us . " – Dr. P. C. McGraw Television's beloved " Dr. Phil " not only hosts America's... |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
McGraw, Phil. (2026, February 9). We teach people how to treat us. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/we-teach-people-how-to-treat-us-153148/
Chicago Style
McGraw, Phil. "We teach people how to treat us." FixQuotes. February 9, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/we-teach-people-how-to-treat-us-153148/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"We teach people how to treat us." FixQuotes, 9 Feb. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/we-teach-people-how-to-treat-us-153148/. Accessed 15 Feb. 2026.
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