"We will have to give up the hope that, if we try hard, we somehow will always do right by our children. The connection is imperfect. We will sometimes do wrong"
About this Quote
Viorst is puncturing one of modern parenting culture's most profitable myths: that enough effort, research, and vigilance can guarantee moral and emotional correctness. The line is written with the calm bluntness of someone who has watched multiple generations of parents try to outwork uncertainty. "We will have to give up the hope" reads like an intervention, not a reprimand. It targets a particular kind of hope: the managerial fantasy that love plus competence equals flawless outcomes.
The subtext is both compassionate and unsparing. By calling the parent-child bond "imperfect", she reframes failure from personal defect to structural feature. Children are not projects; they are separate, opaque people moving through shifting circumstances. Even the most attentive parent will misread needs, import their own anxieties, or overcorrect in the name of protection. The sentence "We will sometimes do wrong" lands so plainly it becomes radical. In a culture that rewards parental certainty and treats mistakes as evidence for guilt, she insists on fallibility as the baseline.
Context matters: Viorst built a career writing about family life and growing up with a psychologically literate, often wry realism. This isn’t a hot take; it’s a pressure-release valve. The intent is to trade perfectionism for responsibility. Admitting you will do wrong doesn’t excuse harm; it makes repair possible. Once you stop performing as the parent who "always does right", you can become the parent who notices, apologizes, and adjusts - which is, quietly, the only sustainable model of care.
The subtext is both compassionate and unsparing. By calling the parent-child bond "imperfect", she reframes failure from personal defect to structural feature. Children are not projects; they are separate, opaque people moving through shifting circumstances. Even the most attentive parent will misread needs, import their own anxieties, or overcorrect in the name of protection. The sentence "We will sometimes do wrong" lands so plainly it becomes radical. In a culture that rewards parental certainty and treats mistakes as evidence for guilt, she insists on fallibility as the baseline.
Context matters: Viorst built a career writing about family life and growing up with a psychologically literate, often wry realism. This isn’t a hot take; it’s a pressure-release valve. The intent is to trade perfectionism for responsibility. Admitting you will do wrong doesn’t excuse harm; it makes repair possible. Once you stop performing as the parent who "always does right", you can become the parent who notices, apologizes, and adjusts - which is, quietly, the only sustainable model of care.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
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