"What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels"
About this Quote
Augustine is writing with the hard-won authority of someone who has watched desire masquerade as freedom. The metaphor escalates from bonds to "red-hot pokers", yanking the reader out of any sentimental reading of love. Jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger: he catalogs the emotional machinery of possession, where love becomes a surveillance state and the beloved becomes evidence. The pain isn't incidental; it's proof the attachment is real. That's the psychological trap he wants you to see.
Context matters: in the Confessions, Augustine is retrofitting his earlier life into a moral narrative of disordered loves (cupiditas) versus rightly ordered love (caritas). He isn't condemning affection; he's diagnosing misdirected longing. The passage is persuasive because it refuses to glamorize youthful passion even as it admits its pull. Augustine makes the uncomfortable claim that we sometimes choose the chain because it feels like belonging.
Quote Details
| Topic | Heartbreak |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Augustine, Saint. (2026, January 15). What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/what-i-needed-most-was-to-love-and-to-be-loved-17494/
Chicago Style
Augustine, Saint. "What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels." FixQuotes. January 15, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/what-i-needed-most-was-to-love-and-to-be-loved-17494/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels." FixQuotes, 15 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/what-i-needed-most-was-to-love-and-to-be-loved-17494/. Accessed 6 Mar. 2026.




