"When I left home, I was going to ride around a little while and then go to my mom's. As I rode and rode and rode, I felt even more anxiety coming upon me about not wanting to live"
About this Quote
The stated intent is self-portraiture as overwhelmed, not calculating. Anxiety "coming upon me" frames emotion as an external force, something that happens to her rather than something she chooses or manages. Even the phrasing "about not wanting to live" is carefully indirect: it skirts the cleaner, sharper "I wanted to die". That distance matters. It keeps agency blurred, inviting sympathy while avoiding the full commitment of suicidal intent.
Context makes the line radioactive. Smith is infamous for murdering her children and initially blaming a carjacking, so any later account of her movements is not just memoir; it's evidence-adjacent narrative control. Read this way, the quote functions as preemptive mitigation: if her actions appear erratic, the cause is internal crisis, not premeditation. It's less a window into her mind than a tool for managing how others are allowed to interpret it.
Quote Details
| Topic | Anxiety |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Smith, Susan. (2026, January 16). When I left home, I was going to ride around a little while and then go to my mom's. As I rode and rode and rode, I felt even more anxiety coming upon me about not wanting to live. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/when-i-left-home-i-was-going-to-ride-around-a-95039/
Chicago Style
Smith, Susan. "When I left home, I was going to ride around a little while and then go to my mom's. As I rode and rode and rode, I felt even more anxiety coming upon me about not wanting to live." FixQuotes. January 16, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/when-i-left-home-i-was-going-to-ride-around-a-95039/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"When I left home, I was going to ride around a little while and then go to my mom's. As I rode and rode and rode, I felt even more anxiety coming upon me about not wanting to live." FixQuotes, 16 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/when-i-left-home-i-was-going-to-ride-around-a-95039/. Accessed 13 Feb. 2026.






