"When you handle yourself, use your head; when you handle others, use your heart"
About this Quote
The structure does the heavy lifting. “Handle yourself” implies self-management as a kind of labor: emotions, ego, impulses, image. “Use your head” is the permission slip to be strategic about your own limits, to think in terms of consequences rather than catharsis. Then the pivot: “handle others.” The verb stays the same, but the ethic flips. With other people, logic is insufficient; you need “your heart,” a reminder that power shows up in small moments of tone, patience, and restraint. There’s a subtle warning here: rationality can easily become cruelty when applied outward, just as empathy can become self-erasure when applied inward.
Context matters. Reed’s era prized manners and emotional containment, especially for public-facing women. Read against that backdrop, the quote quietly resists two extremes: cold self-sacrifice and righteous bluntness. Its intent is to separate self-discipline from hardness, compassion from gullibility. The subtext is modern, even if the phrasing isn’t: boundaries for yourself, grace for others. In a culture addicted to “speaking your truth,” Reed advocates something rarer - the maturity to choose the right tool for the right target.
Quote Details
| Topic | Kindness |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Reed, Donna. (2026, January 16). When you handle yourself, use your head; when you handle others, use your heart. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/when-you-handle-yourself-use-your-head-when-you-132312/
Chicago Style
Reed, Donna. "When you handle yourself, use your head; when you handle others, use your heart." FixQuotes. January 16, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/when-you-handle-yourself-use-your-head-when-you-132312/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"When you handle yourself, use your head; when you handle others, use your heart." FixQuotes, 16 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/when-you-handle-yourself-use-your-head-when-you-132312/. Accessed 11 Feb. 2026.











