"You can't control people. You must understand them. You have to know where they're coming from, their beliefs and values, what turns them off, what they're against"
About this Quote
Fry’s intent is less touchy-feely empathy than competitive realism. “Understand them” isn’t a moral imperative; it’s a performance tool. If you know a player’s beliefs, values, and triggers, you can speak a language that lands. You can motivate without humiliation, correct without creating resistance, demand without causing shutdown. That’s why the quote pivots from the abstract (“where they’re coming from”) to the almost tactical (“what turns them off, what they’re against”). He’s mapping the emotional terrain the way a good staff maps an opponent: tendencies, tells, thresholds.
The context matters: Fry coached in an era when the caricature of coaching was intimidation and control. His approach hints at the modern shift toward psychology, buy-in, and culture building, before those became corporate buzzwords. It also carries a warning for institutions that still worship “discipline” as a substitute for trust. People can be managed into compliance, but they can’t be controlled into commitment. Fry is arguing for influence over domination because, in the long season of any team, commitment is the only thing that survives adversity.
Quote Details
| Topic | Leadership |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Fry, Hayden. (2026, January 17). You can't control people. You must understand them. You have to know where they're coming from, their beliefs and values, what turns them off, what they're against. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/you-cant-control-people-you-must-understand-them-55586/
Chicago Style
Fry, Hayden. "You can't control people. You must understand them. You have to know where they're coming from, their beliefs and values, what turns them off, what they're against." FixQuotes. January 17, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/you-cant-control-people-you-must-understand-them-55586/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"You can't control people. You must understand them. You have to know where they're coming from, their beliefs and values, what turns them off, what they're against." FixQuotes, 17 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/you-cant-control-people-you-must-understand-them-55586/. Accessed 12 Feb. 2026.










