Life & Wisdom Quote by Jane Smiley

Parenthood, Smiley suggests, is the one relationship where approval is a terrible metric and popularity is usually a sign you are shirking the job. "Your sons weren't made to like you" lands with the bluntness of a corrective: children are not audience members, and a parent who hunts for affection can end up bargaining away boundaries, honesty, even authority. The line is funny because it flips a sentimental script. We expect parenting to be a steady climb toward mutual appreciation; Smiley treats it as a long season of being misunderstood by the people you love most.

The subtext is gendered and generational in a quiet, pointed way. "Sons" calls up a particular mythology: boys separating, posturing, testing limits, translating care into conflict. A mother (or parent) can do everything right and still be rewarded with eye rolls. Smiley doesn't romanticize that friction, but she normalizes it, almost as a survival tactic. If you stop needing to be liked, you can keep showing up as the adult.

Then comes the kicker: "That's what grandchildren are for". It's a sly consolation prize, but also an indictment of time. Grandchildren "like" you because you get to be the best parts of parenting without the grinding labor of daily enforcement. You hand back the tantrum. You skip the long war over homework. You provide sugar, stories, and unconditional attention precisely because you are spared the consequences.

Smiley's intent isn't to dismiss love; it's to demote it as parenting's scoreboard. The joke works because it admits a bruising truth: often, the reward for doing the hard thing arrives late, and it arrives through a different generation.