Book: Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company and Conversation

Overview

"Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation" is a compact handbook of 110 maxims that a young George Washington copied around 1745 from an older European source. More than a set of manners for polite society, the collection outlines a program of self-mastery, respect for others, and social harmony. It treats civility as the visible expression of inward discipline, arguing implicitly that character is formed through habit and that public conduct and private virtue are intertwined.

Origins and structure

The rules trace back to a 16th-century French Jesuit tradition of bienséance and reached colonial America through English adaptations. Washington did not author the rules but preserved and practiced them, internalizing their ethos. The maxims are short, imperative, and cumulative, moving from basic deportment, bearing, gesture, and bodily control, to conversation, table manners, deference and precedence, correspondence, and the conduct of business. Their arrangement models a progression from the body outward: first govern yourself, then your words, then your place among others.

Core principles

Several themes recur. Self-command is foundational: restrain impulses, moderate laughter and anger, avoid ostentation, and keep a composed countenance. Respect structures social interaction: yield precedence, defer to age and rank without servility, treat equals with courtesy, and extend kindness to those of lower standing. Reciprocity shapes judgment: do not do in company what would offend you if done by others; do not speak ill, boast, or pry. Prudence governs speech: listen before speaking, do not interrupt, be brief and pertinent in business, and avoid gossip, profanity, and contentious disputes. Cleanliness and order signal consideration for others, from dress and grooming to the way one eats, writes, and moves through shared spaces. Religion and public life appear in gestures of piety and civic regard, stressing reverence in worship and respect for solemn occasions.

Etiquette in practice

The rules translate principles into concrete behaviors. They regulate the small frictions of daily life: do not jostle or take the best seat uninvited; remove your hat at the proper times; suppress untidy habits such as spitting, yawning openly, or fidgeting. At table, wait your turn, avoid gluttony, refrain from criticizing the food, and keep conversation considerate. In conversation, choose topics appropriate to your company, credit others’ achievements, admit uncertainty, and correct gently if you must correct at all. In letters and dealings, be prompt, clear, respectful, and keep confidences. Even recreation and jest have bounds: do not triumph over others, do not shame them, and bear losses with grace. Throughout, reputation is not merely personal gloss; it is a public trust sustained by consistent, thoughtful conduct.

Character, hierarchy, and civic purpose

While the rules reflect an early modern world of explicit hierarchies, they temper status with obligations of generosity and restraint. Deference is paired with dignity; humility with firmness of principle. The text assumes that civil order depends on citizens who can govern themselves, placing a premium on attention, patience, and fairness. By training the body and tongue, one trains judgment; by honoring others’ dignity, one safeguards one’s own.

Style and legacy

The crystalline, imperative style invites memorization and daily rehearsal. For Washington, the rules functioned as a portable code for self-fashioning, shaping the public poise, discretion, and steadiness that later defined his leadership. Read today, they offer more than antiquarian etiquette. They propose a civic ethic of restraint, respect, and responsibility, suggesting that the health of a community rests on countless small acts of consideration enacted in company and conversation.