Book: Some Men are More Perfect Than Others

Overview
Merle Shain's Some Men are More Perfect Than Others offers an observant, wryly humorous exploration of romantic relationships and the often-misunderstood differences between men and women. The book moves between anecdote, reflection, and practical counsel, sketching a map of how attraction, expectations, habits and history shape the choices people make about love. It does not promise a neat formula for happiness but instead invites readers to understand patterns, both flattering and infuriating, so they can make clearer, kinder decisions about partnership.
Shain treats romantic life as an interplay of personality, habit and social context. She probes why some relationships bloom while others wither, and why the same trait can be a comfort in one partner and a frustration in another. The tone is affectionate but unsentimental, allowing humor and tough-minded clarity to work together in service of useful insight.

Voice and Style
Shain writes with warmth, plainspoken wit and a conversational directness that makes her observations feel like advice from a trusted friend. Anecdotes and small, sharp portraits of people illuminate broader points without becoming preachy or abstract. The writing balances tenderness with a clear-eyed insistence on personal responsibility and self-knowledge, creating a voice that is both comforting and corrective.
The book's humor is disarming rather than derisive; it invites readers to laugh at human foibles while taking seriously the real emotional costs of miscommunication and self-deception. That blend of levity and seriousness helps the practical advice land without lecturing, and keeps the reader engaged through reflections that are at once personal and universal.

Core Themes
A recurring theme is the myth of perfection and the danger of expecting a partner to fulfill every need. Shain argues that idealizing a mate sets relationships up for disappointment and that acceptance of flaws, combined with clear-eyed standards about respect and honesty, makes for healthier bonds. She emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between tolerable imperfections and deal-breakers, and of choosing partners with compatible values and emotional capacities rather than merely charming qualities.
Another central idea is communication: how men and women often speak past one another because they bring different expectations, socialized responses and needs to the same moments. Shain explores how listening, explicitness about priorities and emotional honesty can reduce resentments and deepen intimacy. She also discusses independence, encouraging people, particularly women, to retain a sense of self and purpose outside the relationship as an essential safeguard for mutual respect.

Practical Advice
Practical wisdom in the book ranges from how to evaluate a partner's behavior under stress to recognizing patterns of avoidance or overdependence. Shain urges readers to observe actions more than promises, to set boundaries with clarity, and to test compatibility in real-life situations rather than romantic fantasy. She highlights the value of humor, forgiveness and negotiated compromise while insisting that compromise should not erase core needs or self-respect.
Advice is grounded in small, actionable observations: notice how a person treats others, how they handle responsibility, and how they respond to conflict. These everyday tests, Shain suggests, are more revealing than grand declarations. The goal is not to find a flawless spouse but to build a relationship where both people can grow and be themselves.

Legacy and Relevance
Though rooted in the social context of its era, the book's central insights about expectations, communication and emotional honesty remain resonant. Its candid, humane approach to relationships has appealed across generations because it treats love as work, play and moral choice rather than mere destiny. Readers seeking a companionable, realistic take on romance will find Shain's observations both reassuring and practically useful.
The book's combination of wit, compassion and plain advice continues to speak to anyone navigating the perennial complexities of love: how to choose, how to stay true to oneself, and how to cultivate a partnership that is imperfect but honest, tender and growing.