The Abolition of Marriage: How We Destroy Lasting Love

Overview

Maggie Gallagher presents a cultural and political argument that the changing legal and social landscape of the late 20th and early 21st centuries has hollowed out marriage as a durable institution. She links the rise of no-fault divorce, shifting sexual mores, and efforts to redefine marriage legally to a weakening of the norms and practices that sustain lifelong romantic commitment. Gallagher frames marriage not merely as private intimacy but as a public institution that depends on social expectations, legal scaffolding, and shared moral meanings.
Her tone combines polemic and policy analysis. Gallagher writes from a conservative perspective, insisting that the cumulative effect of legal reforms and cultural shifts has been to individualize relationships, prioritize personal fulfillment over commitment, and erode the rituals and sanctions that once made marriage resilient.

Main Arguments

Gallagher's central claim is that marriage survives only so long as social practices and legal rules encourage restraint, sacrifice, and permanence. She argues that the legalization of no-fault divorce and the removal of social stigma attached to separation loosen the bonds that require spouses to work through conflicts. The redefinition of marriage to include same-sex unions and the push to make marriage a primarily expressive, rights-based institution are presented as further departures from marriage's historical role as a stabilizing social structure oriented toward childrearing and mutual obligation.
A recurring theme is the idea that institutions rely on habits, rituals, and external constraints as much as on personal feelings. Gallagher contends that when law and policy promote autonomy and individual preference at the expense of obligation, the cultural practices that produce enduring love are starved. She defends a vision of marriage rooted in complementary responsibilities and long-term mutual dependence.

Evidence and Illustrations

Gallagher marshals demographic data, historical examples, and legal developments to build her case. She points to rising divorce rates, delayed marriage, and changing patterns of family formation as indicators of institutional strain. Legal changes such as the spread of no-fault divorce statutes and the expansion of welfare and housing policies that reduce the economic costs of single parenthood are cited as mechanisms that undermine marriage's incentives.
She also draws on cultural analysis: shifts in popular literature, media portrayals of relationships, and changes in religious and civic institutions that once reinforced marital norms. Gallagher uses illustrative anecdotes and case studies to show how diminished communal accountability and new legal definitions reshape expectations about fidelity, permanence, and parental responsibility.

Policy Proposals and Moral Claims

Beyond diagnosis, Gallagher advocates policies and cultural renewal intended to restore marriage's durability. She calls for legal reforms that reintroduce stronger incentives for marital permanence, promote parental responsibility, and align social programs with the goal of supporting stable two-parent families. Her moral argument is explicit: marriage should be defended not only for private happiness but as a public good that anchors children and stabilizes communities.
She emphasizes renewing public discourse about the duties of spouses and parents and revitalizing civic institutions, churches, neighborhoods, professional communities, that cultivate the virtues needed for long-term commitment.

Reception and Critique

The book has been influential among social conservatives and those concerned about family decline, praised for articulating why cultural norms matter for institution-building. Critics challenge Gallagher's causal inferences and empirical claims, arguing that correlation does not prove that legal recognition of same-sex couples or other reforms directly caused weakening of marriage. Many scholars contend that economic inequality, labor market shifts, and broader social changes play larger roles than the specific legal changes Gallagher highlights.
Some defenders of marriage reform argue that extending legal recognition can strengthen commitments by offering new forms of social and legal support. Others fault Gallagher for relying on selective evidence and for underestimating the adaptive capacities of marriage as a lived practice.

Conclusion

Gallagher offers a passionate, normative critique of contemporary marriage policy and culture, blending social observation with prescriptive proposals. The argument provokes debate by insisting that law and public norms shape private commitments, and that altering those frameworks can erode practices that foster lasting love. Whether one accepts her empirical claims or not, the book challenges readers to consider how institutions, moral language, and public policy interact with intimate life and the upbringing of children.