"Humor is a social lubricant that helps us get over some of the bad spots"
"In a rational society we would want our presidents to be teachers. In our actual society we insist they be cheerleaders"
"I used to be a heavy gambler. But now I just make mental bets. That's how I lost my mind"
"Dark energy is perhaps the biggest mystery in physics"
"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations"
"If the Old Testament were a reliable guide in the matter of capital punishment, half the people in the United States would have to be killed tomorrow"
"Totalitarianism is patriotism institutionalized"
"If there is a God, the phrase that must disgust him is - holy war"
"Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar"
"Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances"
