"Do not join encounter groups. If you enjoy being made to feel inadequate, call your mother"

Liz Smith offers an incisive take on self-improvement culture and personal relationships, using humor and a touch of cynicism. The suggestion to avoid encounter groups , settings where people usually share personal experiences and are often encouraged to confront their flaws , immediately undercuts the optimistic ideals behind such gatherings. These groups are framed not as opportunities for growth but as situations in which participants are made to feel inadequate.

Rather than embracing the idea that exposing vulnerabilities in a group setting leads to self-improvement, the remark suggests skepticism toward the supposed value of such exercises. The comparison between encounter groups and a call to one's mother taps into a familiar theme: the unique ability of a parent, specifically a mother in this context, to induce feelings of inadequacy. In many families, mothers are portrayed , sometimes stereotypically , as critical, often well-meaning but quick to point out shortcomings in their children. The implication is that if someone finds satisfaction in being confronted with their imperfections, there is no need to seek out strangers or organized systems for this sort of emotional discomfort; their own family can provide it, and probably already does.

Through irony, Smith draws attention to the sometimes performative or artificial nature of self-help trends and the social rituals surrounding self-examination. The joke carries an implicit warning about outsourcing emotional truth-seeking to organized strangers rather than addressing the same dynamics that exist naturally within one’s relationships. It nudges the reader to recognize that the discomfort associated with being judged or found lacking isn’t the exclusive domain of support groups or therapy circles. Everyday life, and especially family life, supplies these experiences amply.

Yet, beneath the humor, Smith touches on a genuine cultural issue: the discomfort caused by relentless self-examination, and the pressures placed upon people to constantly confront and improve their flaws. The quote ultimately suggests self-acceptance and perhaps a gentle skepticism toward structured self-analysis, encouraging people to be wary of settings that might, under the guise of help, produce only more self-doubt.