"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'"
About this Quote
The first line is a fake piece of parenting advice, delivered with the deadpan pragmatism of someone who treats family life like PR. "Easy birth" isn't a blessing; it's a missed opportunity to build authority. That cynicism lands because it nudges a real anxiety: parenting can feel like performing importance in front of people who are biologically programmed to move on.
Then she escalates to the absurd image of waking a sleeping child to narrate the violence of birth. It's funny because it's grotesquely illogical - no sane person would do this - yet emotionally recognizable. Rivers is parodying the guilt-trip, that parental habit of keeping the ledger open long after the debt should be forgiven. "You ripped me to shreds" is hyperbole, but it captures the way parents sometimes mythologize their suffering into identity.
Context matters: Rivers built a career on dragging taboo material into the light - female aging, sex, marriage, the body - and refusing the polite lies that make it digestible. Here, she’s not attacking children as much as exposing the comedy inside sanctified motherhood: the love is real, the resentment is real, and the story we tell ourselves about both is where the joke lives.
Quote Details
| Topic | Witty One-Liners |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite | Cite this Quote |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Rivers, Joan. (2026, January 17). Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/dont-tell-your-kids-you-had-an-easy-birth-or-they-32044/
Chicago Style
Rivers, Joan. "Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'." FixQuotes. January 17, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/dont-tell-your-kids-you-had-an-easy-birth-or-they-32044/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'." FixQuotes, 17 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/dont-tell-your-kids-you-had-an-easy-birth-or-they-32044/. Accessed 4 Feb. 2026.










