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Famous quotes by Comedians

ComediansGiggling is the most effective medicine, as well as these quotes by comics confirm it! From the amusing to the thought-provoking, these quotes will certainly make you laugh, grin, and also even reflect on life. Whether you're trying to find a pick-me-up or a minute of representation, these quotes by comedians will certainly give you with the excellent dose of wit as well as understanding. From the likes of Jerry Seinfeld, Ellen DeGeneres, as well as Amy Poehler, these quotes will certainly make you laugh, assume, and value the funny side of life.
Small: Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each genera
Bill Cosby
"Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made"
Bill Cosby, Comedian
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Small: If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death - Paul Lynde
"If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death"
Paul Lynde, Comedian
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Small: Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven confess them to man and you will be laughed at - Josh B
Josh Billings
"Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife - Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife"
Groucho Marx, Comedian
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Small: It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too - Josh B
Josh Billings
"It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: Most people repent their sins by thanking God they aint so wicked as their neighbors - Josh Billings
Josh Billings
"Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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Small: Why should I care about posterity? Whats posterity ever done for me? - Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx
"Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"
Groucho Marx, Comedian
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Small: I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything - Demetri Martin
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything"
Demetri Martin, Comedian
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Small: I put heavy emphasis on the characters - Keenen Ivory Wayans
Keenen Ivory Wayans
"I put heavy emphasis on the characters"
Keenen Ivory Wayans, Comedian
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Small: I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insan
"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"
Demetri Martin, Comedian
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Small: I think I look great in green, and Im going to start wearing more green - Garry Shandling
"I think I look great in green, and I'm going to start wearing more green"
Garry Shandling, Comedian
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Small: I like going into nature and thats where Im happiest - Garry Shandling
"I like going into nature and that's where I'm happiest"
Garry Shandling, Comedian
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Small: I think a lot comes from having the experience of doing stand-up comedy. It allows you to figure out the psych
Keenen Ivory Wayans
"I think a lot comes from having the experience of doing stand-up comedy. It allows you to figure out the psychology of an audience; what things are funny and not"
Keenen Ivory Wayans, Comedian
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Small: I think my view is that whenever you project into the future youre never likely to be accurate in the details,
"I think my view is that whenever you project into the future you're never likely to be accurate in the details, or the paraphernalia and style"
Stephen Fry, Comedian
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Small: I think some of the best modern writing comes now from travellers - Michael Palin
"I think some of the best modern writing comes now from travellers"
Michael Palin, Comedian
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Small: When youre hot, youre hot when youre not, youre not - Flip Wilson
"When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not"
Flip Wilson, Comedian
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Small: Dont tell your friends about your indigestion. How are you is a greeting, not a question - Arthur Guiterman
Arthur Guiterman
"Don't tell your friends about your indigestion. "How are you" is a greeting, not a question"
Arthur Guiterman, Comedian
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Small: Money is sensual - Jerry Stiller
Jerry Stiller
"Money is sensual"
Jerry Stiller, Comedian
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Small: I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes - Patton Oswal
Patton Oswalt
"I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes"
Patton Oswalt, Comedian
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Small: Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper"
Jerry Seinfeld, Comedian
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Small: Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello
"Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello"
Red Buttons, Comedian
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Small: Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? - Emo Philips
Emo Philips
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Emo Philips, Comedian
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Small: A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They shou
"A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer"
A. Whitney Brown, Comedian
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Small: Congress: Bingo with billions - Red Skelton
"Congress: Bingo with billions"
Red Skelton, Comedian
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Small: Of course I get drunk, my brain is only the size of a walnut - Mark McKinney
"Of course I get drunk, my brain is only the size of a walnut"
Mark McKinney, Comedian
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Small: Theyll always be an England, even if its in Hollywood - Bob Hope
Bob Hope
"They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood"
Bob Hope, Comedian
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Small: I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison - W. C.
"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison"
W. C. Fields, Comedian
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Small: Talking about music is like dancing about architecture - Steve Martin
"Talking about music is like dancing about architecture"
Steve Martin, Comedian
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Small: Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die - Mel Brooks
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"
Mel Brooks, Comedian
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Small: The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease - Josh Billings
Josh Billings
"The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease"
Josh Billings, Comedian
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