"He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have"

Flattery that exalts a virtue you do not possess is rarely a compliment; it is bait. Praise creates warmth, lowers defenses, and suggests a bond of recognition. When the accolade celebrates an absence, calling the reckless prudent, the credulous discerning, the domineering humble, it does something subtler than simple deception: it invites you to accept a flattering story about yourself and to act in ways that make that story seem true. The giver of such praise is not adding to your worth but loosening your grip on what is already yours, judgment, boundaries, resources, time, autonomy.

The mechanism is psychological leverage. Most people want to be seen and affirmed; when affirmation feels generous, reciprocation feels natural. A salesperson extols your “unusual frugality” to sell the premium package; an office colleague lauds your “tireless availability” to offload their work; a demagogue acclaims the people’s “unfailing freedom” while tightening control. In relationships, someone may hail your “independence” to make you overlook creeping dependence on their approval. The mismatch between praise and reality is the tell. Accepting it nudges you to perform the compliment, and in performing it, you may abandon real strengths, prudence for bravado, patience for haste, skepticism for credulity. What you have, attention, money, credibility, moral clarity, becomes easier to extract once you’ve been flattered into misrecognizing yourself.

Guarding against this requires quiet self-knowledge. Keep an honest inventory of your traits and limits; welcome praise that is specific, verifiable, and proportionate. Ask for examples. Notice when applause arrives precisely where you are insecure or eager to be admired. Slow down decisions made in the afterglow of compliments. Value the company of those who respect your boundaries more than those who inflate your image. Genuine praise illuminates what is real and strengthens it; hollow praise casts a glamour that separates you from your own assets. Those who would take from you often arrive carrying gifts.