"I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first"

Friendship often carries the assumption that those we call friends are the individuals we cherish most, chosen from a vast pool of acquaintances for qualities we admire, loyalty, kindness, humor, shared values. Yet Peter Ustinov offers a provocative perspective: friendships may be determined less by selective preference and more by the accidents of proximity or circumstance. The notion that friends are “those who got there first” suggests friendship is frequently a result of timing and availability, rather than deliberate affinity.

Consider childhood friends: proximity at schoolyards or neighborhoods, rather than compatibility, may cement early bonds. These relationships, formed long before self-knowledge or discerning standards, can persist into adulthood, supported by nostalgia and shared history rather than genuine preference. Similarly, college roommates, coworkers, or neighbors, people thrown together by circumstance, often become confidantes simply because they are present during moments of transition or vulnerability.

There is comfort and depth in relationships rooted in shared autobiography. The simple act of “being there first” provides a unique intimacy: the friend who recalls awkward first days, adolescent blunders, formative milestones. Over time, this early presence can overshadow later acquaintances, no matter how attractive or compatible those new people might be. Habit, inertia, and emotional investment keep early-arrived friends close; the bonds, naturally woven from years of mutual observation and collaboration, usually feel irreplaceable.

Yet, this perspective carries a subtle critique: friendship is not always profoundly selective or intentional. The “best” people for us, perhaps more aligned with our older selves or current aspirations, may never take root as friends simply because they did not cross our paths at the right moment. Value in friendship, Ustinov seems to imply, is often less about deep compatibility and more about the fortunate, sometimes arbitrary, timing of human connection.