"I longed to be bright and most certainly never was. I was rather hopeless, I suspect"

In this quote by Maggie Smith, the speaker displays a sense of self-reflection tinged with regret and acceptance of personal restrictions. On the surface, the yearning "to be intense" suggests a desire for intelligence, success, recognition, or perhaps a vibrant personality-- qualities often respected in different aspects of life, whether academically, socially, or expertly. The speaker's yearning indicates they hold these characteristics in high regard and perhaps view them as a criteria for personal fulfillment or societal value.

The phrase "most certainly never ever was" communicates a conclusive conclusion about the speaker's self-assessment. There is no obscurity in this acknowledgment; it is a plain awareness or belief that they did not attain the brightness they yearned for. The certainty here might originate from previous experiences or repeated patterns in the speaker's life where they felt eclipsed or inadequate in contrast to their goals or to others they perceived as being "intense.".

"I was rather hopeless, I believe" adds a layer of introspective doubt. The word "hopeless" suggests an absence of progress or potential in achieving the wanted state of being intense. However, the addition of "I presume" introduces nuance-- while the speaker thinks they were hopeless, this phrasing leaves space for some degree of unpredictability or modesty. It recommends they might consider their judgment as potentially flawed or severe, recognizing that their self-perception may not encompass the complete breadth of their abilities or how others view them.

Overall, this quote poignantly records a common human experience: the battle in between goals and perceived realities. It reflects the internal discussion lots of people engage in when contemplating their abilities and self-respect. The speaker's candid acknowledgment of their unfulfilled longing, paired with reflective doubt, speaks with the vulnerability intrinsic in self-assessment and the often-complex journey of self-acceptance.