"I rolled myself up into a tight ball of resistance and it was thus that I went through my school years"
About this Quote
A child turning inward becomes, in Undset's hands, less a coming-of-age anecdote than a survival posture. "Rolled myself up into a tight ball" is bodily language: it evokes self-protection, a hedgehog reflex, a refusal to offer soft tissue to the world. Then she spikes it with "resistance", a word that belongs to politics and ethics as much as temperament. The line implies that school was not merely dull or difficult but an apparatus that demanded compliance, a place where the safest form of agency was to become small, sealed, unyielding.
The genius is the sentence's cramped geometry. A "tight ball" suggests energy stored rather than expressed; it hints at a mind compressing itself to fit into a hostile or indifferent environment. Undset doesn't dramatize with melodrama. She gives you a compact image and lets the bleakness accumulate in the clause that follows: "it was thus that I went through my school years". Not survived, not learned, not flourished - went through, like walking through bad weather with your shoulders up. The monotony of endurance is the point.
Context matters: Undset came of age in late 19th-century Scandinavia, where bourgeois respectability and strict schooling could feel like a moral sorting machine, especially for a sharp, willful girl. Read against her later fiction - full of women negotiating duty, faith, and constraint - this sounds like an origin story for a novelist who learned early that interior life can be both refuge and rebellion. The subtext is not "I was shy". It's: I refused to be shaped without a fight, even if the fight had to happen inside my own skin.
The genius is the sentence's cramped geometry. A "tight ball" suggests energy stored rather than expressed; it hints at a mind compressing itself to fit into a hostile or indifferent environment. Undset doesn't dramatize with melodrama. She gives you a compact image and lets the bleakness accumulate in the clause that follows: "it was thus that I went through my school years". Not survived, not learned, not flourished - went through, like walking through bad weather with your shoulders up. The monotony of endurance is the point.
Context matters: Undset came of age in late 19th-century Scandinavia, where bourgeois respectability and strict schooling could feel like a moral sorting machine, especially for a sharp, willful girl. Read against her later fiction - full of women negotiating duty, faith, and constraint - this sounds like an origin story for a novelist who learned early that interior life can be both refuge and rebellion. The subtext is not "I was shy". It's: I refused to be shaped without a fight, even if the fight had to happen inside my own skin.
Quote Details
| Topic | Loneliness |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
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