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Aging & Wisdom Quote by Jimmy Durante

"If I'd known how old I was going to be, I'd have taken better care of myself"

About this Quote

It lands because it treats longevity like a prank the universe pulled without giving you the rulebook. Jimmy Durante’s line is built on a sly reversal: we’re taught to “take care of ourselves” for some hazy future, but the future arrives with the bluntness of a bill you didn’t remember signing. The joke isn’t just that aging hurts; it’s that youth operates under a reasonable delusion of infinite runway. Durante turns that delusion into a one-liner with the timing of a vaudeville rimshot: if only I’d known the punchline, I’d have set up the gag differently.

The specific intent is comic consolation. He gives permission to laugh at the small humiliations of the body - the knees, the lungs, the accumulated wear - without sliding into tragedy. Subtext: regret is inevitable, but it’s also slightly absurd. You can’t “take better care” of yourself in a way that truly outsmarts time, and the line quietly admits that self-optimization is a fantasy people sell themselves to feel in control.

Context matters: Durante came from an era when showbiz was physical work - touring, smoking, late nights, loud rooms - and when public personas were built on resilient charm rather than wellness discipline. Coming from an older comedian, it reads like a wink from someone who’s survived his own myth. It’s also a cultural tell: modern life treats health as a moral performance; Durante frames it as an after-the-fact lesson you only learn once the exam is over. The laugh catches because the ruefulness is real, and because the comedian doesn’t demand sympathy - he steals it with timing.

Quote Details

TopicWitty One-Liners
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Citation Formats

APA Style (7th ed.)
Durante, Jimmy. (2026, February 16). If I'd known how old I was going to be, I'd have taken better care of myself. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/if-id-known-how-old-i-was-going-to-be-id-have-124854/

Chicago Style
Durante, Jimmy. "If I'd known how old I was going to be, I'd have taken better care of myself." FixQuotes. February 16, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/if-id-known-how-old-i-was-going-to-be-id-have-124854/.

MLA Style (9th ed.)
"If I'd known how old I was going to be, I'd have taken better care of myself." FixQuotes, 16 Feb. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/if-id-known-how-old-i-was-going-to-be-id-have-124854/. Accessed 21 Feb. 2026.

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If I Had Known How Old I Would Be - Jimmy Durante
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About the Author

Jimmy Durante

Jimmy Durante (February 10, 1893 - January 29, 1980) was a Comedian from USA.

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