"I've got 911 on speed dial"

This quote by Doug Coupland is a humorous way of expressing the idea that one is gotten ready for any emergency. It suggests that the speaker is all set to do something about it in case of an emergency, and that they have the required resources to do so. The referral to 911 is a reference to the emergency situation services number in the United States, and the phrase "on speed dial" suggests that the speaker has the number easily offered and can access it quickly. This quote is a tip to be prepared for any scenario, and to have the resources essential to take action in case of an emergency situation. It is likewise a suggestion to stay calm and to have the needed resources available in order to react rapidly and effectively.