"Liars share with those they deceive the desire not to be deceived"

Sissela Bok’s assertion that “Liars share with those they deceive the desire not to be deceived” suggests a paradox at the heart of dishonesty. At first glance, lying might appear as a tactic employed by people unconcerned with truth, willing to manipulate or betray the trust of others for personal gain, avoidance of blame, or other motives. However, Bok uncovers a deeper, more ironic commonality: while liars actively engage in misleading others, they still fundamentally value being treated truthfully themselves.

This observation highlights the universality of the human aversion to deception. Both the liar and the deceived wish to be able to rely on others’ words. A liar, despite breaching the trust of their audience, does not wish to be an object of deceit or manipulation. This shared aversion points to the critical importance of trust within human relationships and social systems. When people lie, they undermine a social fabric that they themselves depend on. If everyone lied, mutual communication and understanding would break down; not even liars would be able to gain what they seek through deception.

Moreover, Bok’s insight exposes the underlying hypocrisy of lying. Liars enjoy an unfair privilege: they expect honesty from others while being willing to deny it in return. This double standard sits uneasily with our moral intuitions, indicating that lying often involves self-deception and rationalization. The liar must somehow justify their own actions and simultaneously condemn those same behaviors in others.

The statement also subtly points to the destabilizing effects that lying has within societies. If the desire not to be deceived is shared, persistent lying erodes everyone’s security, including the liar’s own. It calls into question the sustainability of deception as a practice, reminding us that our own hopes for honesty tie us inextricably to those with whom we communicate, fostering a mutual responsibility to uphold truth.