"Love is what you've been through with somebody"
About this Quote
The intent is corrective. Thurber aims his wit at the cultural fantasy that love is primarily a feeling - a permanent high, a cinematic certainty. His alternative is almost bureaucratic: love is a record of experiences you can point to. That phrasing quietly shifts love from private emotion to public evidence; it’s not just what you feel, it’s what you can show you endured together.
The subtext is a little bracing: if love is “what you’ve been through,” then it can’t be declared on day one and it can’t be maintained on vibes alone. It accumulates, like scar tissue or inside jokes, and it’s inseparable from hardship. There’s also a sly warning: someone can claim love fluently; only time can verify it.
Context matters. Thurber wrote in a mid-century America selling romance while bracing for depression-era aftershocks and wartime realism. His humor often treated modern life as absurd but survivable. Here, love becomes one more survival skill - less lyric, more lived.
Quote Details
| Topic | Love |
|---|---|
| Source | Help us find the source |
| Cite |
Citation Formats
APA Style (7th ed.)
Thurber, James. (2026, January 15). Love is what you've been through with somebody. FixQuotes. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/love-is-what-youve-been-through-with-somebody-128857/
Chicago Style
Thurber, James. "Love is what you've been through with somebody." FixQuotes. January 15, 2026. https://fixquotes.com/quotes/love-is-what-youve-been-through-with-somebody-128857/.
MLA Style (9th ed.)
"Love is what you've been through with somebody." FixQuotes, 15 Jan. 2026, https://fixquotes.com/quotes/love-is-what-youve-been-through-with-somebody-128857/. Accessed 12 Feb. 2026.










