"Of course I've got lawyers. They are like nuclear weapons, I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they screw everything up"

Lawyers are often seen as necessary tools of protection in complex, adversarial societies, particularly in business or legal disputes. The speaker, through a witty analogy, compares lawyers to nuclear weapons: both serve as deterrents, a means of defense retained primarily because others possess them as well. The comparison highlights the mutual escalation and arms-race mentality that pervades such environments. Just as nations amass nuclear arsenals not with the hope of deploying them, but to prevent being at a disadvantage, people or organizations retain legal counsel to ensure they are not left vulnerable. Lawyers, in this analogy, are not simply advisors; their presence represents power, leverage, and readiness for conflict if necessary.

Yet, the quote points to a paradox. While lawyers act as protective measures, their active deployment, actually "using" them, or engaging in litigation, often complicates situations. The implication is that legal action, much like the detonation of nuclear arms, brings destructive consequences and unintended repercussions. Disputes that might have been solved through dialogue or compromise can quickly become fraught, expensive, and drawn out once lawyers insert themselves formally. The adversarial process can polarize relationships, create animosity, and generate outcomes less desirable than collaborative solutions.

Underlying the humor is a commentary on the pervasive mistrust within professional and personal interactions, where everyone feels compelled to maintain legal resources not out of inherent litigiousness, but defensive necessity. The legal system, meant to provide justice and fairness, can ironically escalate minor issues into complex problems through procedure and contention. The analogy also reflects a certain cynicism regarding the legal profession's effect on human affairs: rather than fostering resolution, the act of "using" lawyers often complicates and "screws up" situations that might otherwise have been manageable. The statement recognizes a tragicomic reality where mutual distrust perpetuates the very need for legal deterrence, making true resolution increasingly elusive.