"Somewhere around the fifth or seventh grade I figured out that I could ingratiate myself to people by making them laugh. Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me. But after a while it became part of my identity"
About this Quote
Comedy starts here as a social technology: a kid realizes laughter can buy safety, attention, maybe even belonging. Fey’s phrasing is disarmingly blunt about the transaction. “Ingratiate myself” isn’t the language of a carefree class clown; it’s the language of someone clocking the power dynamics early and choosing a tool that works. The “fifth or seventh grade” detail matters because it locates the origin story in that brutal middle-school economy where status is volatile and affection is rationed. Humor becomes a way to negotiate it.
The subtext is that likability isn’t a personality trait so much as a strategy, especially for girls who learn quickly that being “too much” carries penalties. Fey isn’t romanticizing the impulse. “Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me” punctures the myth that comedians are born purely out of joy or inspiration. It’s need, calibrated into performance.
Then comes the creepier, truer turn: “after a while it became part of my identity.” That’s the cost of a successful coping mechanism. What begins as an external tactic hardens into an internal self-concept; the bit becomes the person. In the context of Fey’s career - the polished, self-aware authority of 30 Rock, the weaponized charm of Weekend Update - this reads like a quiet confession about professionalism itself. Being funny stops being something you do and becomes something you must be, even when you’re tired, even when you’re not safe, even when the joke is covering a bruise.
The subtext is that likability isn’t a personality trait so much as a strategy, especially for girls who learn quickly that being “too much” carries penalties. Fey isn’t romanticizing the impulse. “Essentially, I was just trying to make them like me” punctures the myth that comedians are born purely out of joy or inspiration. It’s need, calibrated into performance.
Then comes the creepier, truer turn: “after a while it became part of my identity.” That’s the cost of a successful coping mechanism. What begins as an external tactic hardens into an internal self-concept; the bit becomes the person. In the context of Fey’s career - the polished, self-aware authority of 30 Rock, the weaponized charm of Weekend Update - this reads like a quiet confession about professionalism itself. Being funny stops being something you do and becomes something you must be, even when you’re tired, even when you’re not safe, even when the joke is covering a bruise.
Quote Details
| Topic | Funny Friendship |
|---|---|
| Source | Bossypants (memoir), Tina Fey, Henry Holt and Co., 2011 — passage in early chapters where Fey recounts childhood/identity and the line about ingratiating herself by making people laugh. |
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