"The Bible shows the way to go to heaven, not the way the heavens go"

"The Bible says, as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he"

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die"

"As we read the school reports on our children, we realize a sense of relief that can rise to delight that thank Heaven nobody is reporting in this fashion on us"

"Without stirring abroad, One can know the whole world; Without looking out of the window One can see the way of heaven. The further one goes The less one knows"

"Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven"

"The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground"

"The Bible is the cradle wherein Christ is laid"

"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven"

"When the missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said "Let us pray." We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land"

"In heaven, all the interesting people are missing"