"We all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice"

Arthur Helps’s observation points to a subtle irony in human interactions. When someone seeks out our advice, our self-esteem often quietly swells. Their request is an indirect compliment: it signals trust in our judgment and appreciation for our experience, even if the topic is trivial. We feel validated by their approach, suddenly finding ourselves in the role of mentor or guide. The seeker’s “wisdom” lies, perhaps less in their ability to take advice, and more in their ability to choose whom to consult. Their discernment flatters us.

The pleasure we take in being consulted may stem from a fundamental aspect of social dynamics. The need to feel useful, important, or wise is universal. When someone asks for our perspective, it confirms that we possess qualities, insight, perspective, judgment, that others find valuable. Their regard for us increases at that moment, and so, in our own eyes, does our self-worth. It’s as if we mentally reward the advice-seeker, not just for valuing our input, but for recognizing that we have something to offer.

There’s also a self-reinforcing loop at play. Hosts of advice givers relish seeing their counsel requested because it strengthens their own faith in their wisdom. The very act of being asked a question can bring clarity, organize our thoughts, and lead us to insights we might not have uncovered privately. Thus, both the advice-giver and the seeker grow in wisdom through the exchange, but the advice-giver feels particularly admired, not just for what they know, but for being considered a sage.

Ultimately, the statement teases out a gentle human vanity. We often think well of those who seek our counsel, finding them sensible and perceptive for recognizing our acumen. In seeking our guidance, they confirm the image we most like to hold of ourselves.