"We don't teach kids how to feel, we don't give them the words to go by"
About this Quote
John Denver’s line lands like a gentle accusation disguised as concern. He’s not railing against schools so much as naming a cultural negligence: we educate children into competence but leave them emotionally illiterate. The “we” matters. It’s communal, implicating parents, teachers, churches, and media all at once, the whole adult world that prides itself on “raising strong kids” while quietly rewarding numbness, obedience, or performative cheer.
The craft is in the pairing of “feel” with “words.” Denver isn’t claiming kids lack emotions; he’s saying they lack the language that makes emotions legible and shareable. Without vocabulary, feeling stays private, shapeless, and therefore easier to misread as misbehavior, weakness, or attitude. “Words to go by” is folksy on purpose, like directions on a rural road. He frames emotional language as practical equipment, not therapy-speak: a toolkit for navigating conflict, desire, grief, and shame without crashing into them.
In context, Denver’s broader persona - earnest, humane, tuned to intimacy and social conscience - makes the critique sting more. He came up in an America that increasingly celebrated self-reliance and stoicism, especially for boys, while the culture industry sold big feelings as entertainment but rarely as something to discuss with precision. The subtext is stark: when adults refuse to teach emotional fluency, kids don’t become “tough”; they become lonely, reactive, and easier to control. Denver’s softness is the point. He’s arguing that tenderness is infrastructure.
The craft is in the pairing of “feel” with “words.” Denver isn’t claiming kids lack emotions; he’s saying they lack the language that makes emotions legible and shareable. Without vocabulary, feeling stays private, shapeless, and therefore easier to misread as misbehavior, weakness, or attitude. “Words to go by” is folksy on purpose, like directions on a rural road. He frames emotional language as practical equipment, not therapy-speak: a toolkit for navigating conflict, desire, grief, and shame without crashing into them.
In context, Denver’s broader persona - earnest, humane, tuned to intimacy and social conscience - makes the critique sting more. He came up in an America that increasingly celebrated self-reliance and stoicism, especially for boys, while the culture industry sold big feelings as entertainment but rarely as something to discuss with precision. The subtext is stark: when adults refuse to teach emotional fluency, kids don’t become “tough”; they become lonely, reactive, and easier to control. Denver’s softness is the point. He’s arguing that tenderness is infrastructure.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
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