"When I came out, and for many years afterwards, it had become a habit for me to sit and read and read and read, like an obsession. I would take 20 books, and not come out until I'd finished them. It took me a while to change that habit"

Emerging from a period of transition, the speaker describes a time marked by intense, almost compulsive absorption in reading. Reading becomes not just a pastime, but a ritual and a sanctuary, suggesting that for Makhmalbaf, literature offered a safe harbor during a phase of profound vulnerability. This obsessive engagement with books signifies more than a thirst for knowledge; it reflects a deeper need to escape, understand, or cope with the realities surrounding him. The accumulation of twenty books at a time and the refusal to leave until each one is completed evoke an image of self-imposed exile, where books became both companions and shields.

This overwhelming need to read hints at the possibility that the act itself served as a bridge between past experiences and an uncertain future. Whether having endured isolation, societal scrutiny, or personal upheaval, the speaker transforms the compulsion to read into a method of self-preservation and processing. It may also reflect the drive to reclaim autonomy, to rebuild an inner world on his own terms, after facing external judgment or dramatic life changes.

Over time, the habit, while once nurturing and necessary, is recognized as something that needs to be balanced. The phrase "It took me a while to change that habit" suggests that while books provided a refuge, clinging to them exclusively could become restrictive, potentially isolating the reader from the world outside literature. Change, then, involves a gradual reintegration into a broader life, where reading becomes a part of living, not an escape from it. The journey from obsession to equilibrium mirrors the broader process of personal growth, moving from protective rituals towards a more open, multifaceted engagement with both self and society. Thus, reading, in this narrative, evolves from a crutch into a companion, signifying healing and adaptation after a time of upheaval or existential searching.