"When you are caring about your children perhaps you always have to remember at what point you can become over involved because of something you need rather than something the child needs"
About this Quote
Parenting, in Frank Shorter’s telling, isn’t just an act of love; it’s a constant audit of motive. Coming from an athlete whose career was built on discipline and pushing past limits, the line lands like a caution from someone who knows how easily “commitment” can disguise compulsion. The key word is “over involved” - not “involved,” not “supportive,” but the moment when care becomes control.
Shorter draws a clean, uncomfortable distinction between what a child needs and what a parent needs to feel: needed, successful, redeemed, relevant. That’s the subtext that makes the sentence sting. It frames overparenting less as a personality flaw and more as a kind of emotional transaction where the child becomes the arena for a parent’s unresolved anxieties. In sports, adults often justify pressure as “helping them reach their potential.” Shorter’s warning suggests that potential can be a narrative parents tell themselves to legitimize their own hunger for certainty, status, or a second chance.
The phrasing “perhaps you always have to remember” is revealingly gentle - he’s not moralizing, he’s coaching. It implies ongoing vigilance, like form in running: you can drift without noticing until you’re injured. Culturally, it speaks to a world of travel teams, helicopter logistics, and social-media performance, where being a “good parent” can become another competitive identity. Shorter’s intent is to pull the spotlight off the child’s achievements and back onto adult self-awareness: the real work is not more involvement, but cleaner involvement.
Shorter draws a clean, uncomfortable distinction between what a child needs and what a parent needs to feel: needed, successful, redeemed, relevant. That’s the subtext that makes the sentence sting. It frames overparenting less as a personality flaw and more as a kind of emotional transaction where the child becomes the arena for a parent’s unresolved anxieties. In sports, adults often justify pressure as “helping them reach their potential.” Shorter’s warning suggests that potential can be a narrative parents tell themselves to legitimize their own hunger for certainty, status, or a second chance.
The phrasing “perhaps you always have to remember” is revealingly gentle - he’s not moralizing, he’s coaching. It implies ongoing vigilance, like form in running: you can drift without noticing until you’re injured. Culturally, it speaks to a world of travel teams, helicopter logistics, and social-media performance, where being a “good parent” can become another competitive identity. Shorter’s intent is to pull the spotlight off the child’s achievements and back onto adult self-awareness: the real work is not more involvement, but cleaner involvement.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
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