"A person isn't who they are during the last conversation you had with them - they're who they've been throughout your whole relationship"

Human relationships are complex, marked by continuous interaction, evolving understanding, and a shared history. Often, disagreements or disappointments in a single moment can color an entire perception of someone, leading to judgments based only on the most recent interaction. However, reducing a person to the circumstances or words exchanged in one last conversation ignores the larger, more nuanced picture that is created over time.

Rainer Maria Rilke points to the enduring truth that every relationship is the sum of accumulated experiences, shared moments, and mutual growth. One heated argument, a painful goodbye, or an awkward silence might linger in the mind, overshadowing years of laughter, support, vulnerability, and kindness. Yet, none of us can be fully represented by our worst (or even our most recent) moments alone. Our identities in the eyes of others should reflect the fullness of our spirits and the patterns of our behaviors rather than isolated snapshots.

Memory, in its imperfection, often gravitates toward distinct events, the last word spoken, a final gesture, especially when goodbyes or conflicts are involved. Still, it’s essential to revisit the broader context, recognizing enduring qualities and consistent actions. This approach allows for a more compassionate and honest assessment of those we have loved and known. People make mistakes, feelings change, and endings can be abrupt or painful. But by recalling the totality of a relationship, we acknowledge both the flaws and the beauties of human connection.

By seeing loved ones through the lens of their entire presence in our lives, we not only grant them the dignity they deserve but also allow ourselves to process relationships in a way that’s wise and generous. Ultimately, our memories and judgments become richer, fairer, and more healing by embracing the whole story instead of only its final chapter.