"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons"

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die"

"As we read the school reports on our children, we realize a sense of relief that can rise to delight that thank Heaven nobody is reporting in this fashion on us"

"Immortality - a fate worse than death"

"Without stirring abroad, One can know the whole world; Without looking out of the window One can see the way of heaven. The further one goes The less one knows"

"Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven"

"The true object of all human life is play. Earth is a task garden; heaven is a playground"

"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die"

"The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven"

"In heaven, all the interesting people are missing"

"Heaven never helps the men who will not act"