"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was"
- Anne Sexton
About this Quote
Identity is often woven from threads of memory, experience, and perception. Anne Sexton’s words remind us that the legacy of a parent is not fixed by cold facts or unchangeable truths, but rather by the stories and feelings that endure within us. The actual details of her father's life, his achievements, mistakes, or even his concrete personality, become less significant than the version of him she holds onto, shaped by her own recollections and interpretations.
Memory itself is subjective; it is colored by longing, trauma, love, and regret. For anyone reflecting on a complex parent-child relationship, what truly molds personal meaning is the emotional imprint left behind. A child who grows up with an absent parent might choose to recall the rare moments of warmth over the longer spells of absence, reimagining and reconstructing identity both for themselves and for the parent. Over time, these memories are honed and edited, sometimes to soften pain, sometimes to grasp at what was good.
Sexton suggests that personal narrative outweighs objective lineage. The sense of who her father was, his role in her story, the lessons his memory imparts, the way he is conjured in her mind, supersedes any official record. In this way, everyone becomes not just the sum of their actions, but also the sum of how they are remembered by those who loved or knew them. This approach grants the freedom either to forgive or to find meaning, creating closure or understanding where reality offered little guidance. Families are often haunted by unspoken histories or pain, but the act of remembering can be restorative, even redemptive, allowing people to define family and identity on their own nuanced terms. Through remembrance, one gains power to shape the past into something that helps rather than hinders the present.
This quote is written / told by Anne Sexton between November 9, 1928 and October 4, 1974. She was a famous Poet from USA.
The author also have 12 other quotes.
"My father? I never knew him. Never even seen a picture of him"
Eminem, Musician
"I would never have done what I'd done if I'd considered my father as somebody I wanted to please"
Robert Mapplethorpe, Photographer
"No adult in my family would ever tell me anything about who my father was. I knew from an older cousin - only four years older than I am - everything, or what little I could discover about him"
John Irving, Novelist
"When I was growing up my mother would say, 'Your dad may have to learn about being a father because he lost his own and that would have affected him'"
Tom Hooper, Director
"But more importantly, I think he remembered how very close I was with my own dad, who had died in 1997"
Richard Marx, Musician
"My dad? He died when I was 19, which is a bad time for your dad to die, because there's an awful lot of things you have to resolve with your parents past your teens if you've been a difficult teenager"
Robbie Coltrane, Actor
"Our dad was a great guy and we will never forget him"
Lara St. John, Musician
"I don't know whether there is anyone else at all who remembers my noble father with such sadness"
Egon Schiele, Artist
"But my dad also was a remarkable man, a good person, a principled individual, a man of integrity"
Sidney Poitier, Actor
"My father was my teacher. But most importantly he was a great dad"
