"No adult in my family would ever tell me anything about who my father was. I knew from an older cousin - only four years older than I am - everything, or what little I could discover about him"

The quote by John Irving shows a theme of secrecy and familial silence concerning the identity of the narrator's daddy. The speaker begins by highlighting a significant gap in communication in between themselves and the adults in their family, suggesting that this silence is intentional and possibly soaked in family dynamics or past conflicts.

The phrase "No grownup in my family would ever inform me anything" stresses an ongoing and consistent rejection to share info, suggesting a collective choice to keep the narrator in the dark. This exemption from household understanding can recommend different underlying themes, such as shame, loss, or unresolved issues related to the narrator's dad. The adults' rejection to talk about the daddy may imply that his story is considered taboo, or that discussing him might resurrect unpleasant memories. This silence can also imply a protective measure, shielding the storyteller from possible distressing realities. The family's hesitation to go over the father likewise puts the storyteller in a position of outsider within their own household, deepening a sense of isolation and longing for identity.

When the storyteller points out discovering their dad from "an older cousin - just 4 years older", it underscores the desperation and minimal resources the narrator has in piecing together their heritage. The information that the cousin is "just four years older" is substantial; it highlights the deficiency of ready informants and the lengths to which the narrator must go to discover their father. The cousin, in spite of being a peer with most likely insufficient details, represents a lifeline to the storyteller's mission for identity.

The phrase "everything, or what little I could find" catches the paradox of hope and aggravation. It suggests that even the details obtained from the cousin is possibly fragmented or irregular, more making complex the narrator's understanding of their father. In spite of the lack of clarity, any knowledge of the daddy is valued, highlighting an ingrained requirement for identity and belonging.

Overall, the quote captures styles of silence, secrecy, and the yearning for identity and belonging, showing how household stories-- or the lack thereof-- can exceptionally shape one's understanding of self.