"Learning is a result of listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn"

Learning begins not with speaking but with a disciplined, receptive silence. Listening here is not passive; it is an active readiness to be changed by what another reveals. That readiness sharpens attention, and attention, in turn, teaches us what and how to hear. The process becomes a virtuous cycle: the more we truly listen, the more attuned we become, and the more finely attuned we are, the more there is to learn.

When the “other person” is a child, the stakes are higher. Adults often carry assumptions, authority, and agendas that drown out the child’s voice. To learn from a child requires suspending those projections long enough to perceive the child as a subject with an inner life, not an object of instruction. Empathy is the bridge: a felt understanding that tracks the child’s perspective without collapsing into it. As we notice the nuances, the pauses, the play themes, the contradictions, our picture grows more accurate. That accuracy itself deepens empathy, because understanding reduces fear and impatience and invites care.

Such learning is relational and ethical. It asks for humility: to accept that the child is a teacher of their own experience and that our knowledge is partial. It also asks for self-awareness: to discern when we are hearing echoes of our histories rather than the child’s present. Practically, it looks like slowing down, asking open questions, reflecting feelings back, watching nonverbal cues, repairing misattunements, and setting boundaries with warmth. Far from permissiveness, empathy enables precision, knowing what the child needs and what they are ready to hold.

The insight generalizes beyond childhood. In any relationship, skillful listening grows capacity for empathy, and growing empathy refines our listening. Learning, then, is not merely the acquisition of facts but the co-creation of understanding in a space of trust. As we become better listeners, we do not simply gather more information; we become the kind of people from whom others are safer to be learned.