"Men are not the enemy, but the fellow victims. The real enemy is women's denigration of themselves"

Betty Friedan’s assertion reframes an often polarized narrative around gender relations by identifying the true adversary not as men, but as a pervasive internalization of inferiority among women themselves. Rather than casting blame outward or perpetuating an adversarial stance between the sexes, Friedan emphasizes a sense of shared struggle, presenting both men and women as casualties within a system that enforces restrictive gender roles and expectations. This framing invites mutual understanding and alliance rather than division.

The “enemy” she describes is the internalized devaluation that women adopt about their own worth, potential, and capabilities. Throughout history and across cultures, societal norms and institutions have frequently minimized women’s contributions, ambitions, and rights. Over time, these messages become internalized, leading many women to doubt their value, accept limited roles, and perpetuate cycles of self-limitation. Friedan’s statement exposes the insidious harm of accepting external judgments as intrinsic truths. When women unconsciously accept negative myths about themselves, they become participants in their own restriction, rendering the need for external oppressors almost redundant.

By shifting the focus to women’s perceptions of themselves, Friedan points toward a crucial avenue for liberation: self-empowerment and self-respect. If women can re-examine and ultimately reject the denigrating beliefs they have internalized, they can challenge and overturn the structures that have kept them marginalized. This self-recognition fosters solidarity, not only with other women but also with men, whose identities and flexibilities are often similarly constrained by rigid gender expectations.

At its core, Friedan’s insight calls for a revolution in consciousness. The path toward equality and fulfillment is not found in waging war against men, but in dismantling the damaging narratives held within. Only by replacing self-denigration with confidence and mutual respect can true progress be secured for everyone.