"Parents can really help, but they can also really hinder the development of their youngsters"
About this Quote
Coming from decades of shaping teenagers into champions, Mike Krzyzewski points to the two-edged power parents hold over a childs growth. Support can be the wind at a young persons back: modeling discipline, keeping perspective, setting consistent boundaries, and conveying unconditional love. The right kind of involvement cultivates autonomy and resilience. A parent who asks, What did you learn? instead of, Did you win? signals that effort, improvement, and integrity matter more than the scoreboard. That message builds a durable inner compass.
The same closeness can also stifle. Pressure to perform, constant rescuing from failure, sideline coaching that contradicts the coach, or negotiating playing time behind the scenes can turn growth into compliance. When adults fix every problem, youngsters do not learn to self-regulate or persevere. When outcomes are prized above process, kids tie their worth to results and play scared. Krzyzewski has long warned about the youth sports machine that sells early stardom, rankings, and specialization; anxious parents, hoping to help, can amplify that noise and narrow a childs identity before it has a chance to mature.
At Duke and with USA Basketball, he asked families to let the athlete own his journey. That meant trusting the plan, allowing hard feedback to land, and resisting the urge to smooth every bump. He saw that the most effective parents were present but not overbearing, eager to listen but slow to intervene, focused on character as much as achievement. Their children arrived more coachable, more accountable, and more confident.
The practical takeaway is simple and demanding. Be a secure base, not a puppeteer. Celebrate effort, habits, and teamwork. Let coaches coach and let kids play. Allow consequences to teach. Ask questions that open space rather than give orders that close it. Development is messy; it needs room to breathe. Help can be a steady hand on the shoulder; hindrance is a hand that never lets go.
The same closeness can also stifle. Pressure to perform, constant rescuing from failure, sideline coaching that contradicts the coach, or negotiating playing time behind the scenes can turn growth into compliance. When adults fix every problem, youngsters do not learn to self-regulate or persevere. When outcomes are prized above process, kids tie their worth to results and play scared. Krzyzewski has long warned about the youth sports machine that sells early stardom, rankings, and specialization; anxious parents, hoping to help, can amplify that noise and narrow a childs identity before it has a chance to mature.
At Duke and with USA Basketball, he asked families to let the athlete own his journey. That meant trusting the plan, allowing hard feedback to land, and resisting the urge to smooth every bump. He saw that the most effective parents were present but not overbearing, eager to listen but slow to intervene, focused on character as much as achievement. Their children arrived more coachable, more accountable, and more confident.
The practical takeaway is simple and demanding. Be a secure base, not a puppeteer. Celebrate effort, habits, and teamwork. Let coaches coach and let kids play. Allow consequences to teach. Ask questions that open space rather than give orders that close it. Development is messy; it needs room to breathe. Help can be a steady hand on the shoulder; hindrance is a hand that never lets go.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
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