"Spanking and verbal criticism have become, to many parents, more important tools of child rearing than approval"

Spanking and verbal criticism, once considered last resorts or reactions to extreme misbehavior, have, as Phil Donahue suggests, become almost routine in the parenting practices of many families. When these methods overshadow positive reinforcement, children may begin to associate their worth with the punishment or criticism they receive rather than with any successes or positive behaviors they exhibit. This dynamic fosters an environment in which fear of reprisal supersedes the desire for achievement or cooperation.

Approval is a powerful motivator for children. It builds self-esteem, encourages repetition of good behavior, and fosters a nurturing bond between parent and child. When parents reserve praise and affirmation for only extraordinary accomplishments or use them sparingly, children may feel their efforts go unnoticed. Lacking encouragement, they may become more concerned with avoiding failure than with striving for success. If the main feedback children receive is negative, their internal self-narrative may shift toward inadequacy or shame.

Furthermore, frequent criticism, even if unintended as harsh, can erode trust and communication in the family. Children subjected primarily to disapproval may hide mistakes or challenges, fearing reprimand instead of seeking parental guidance. Spanking, as a physical form of punishment, can heighten feelings of resentment or confusion, especially if not combined with consistent explanation or affection. The psychological impact of such disciplinary focus may linger well into adulthood, affecting relationships and self-confidence.

By prioritizing punitive measures over positive acknowledgement, parents may inadvertently stifle intrinsic motivation. Instead of cultivating curiosity, resilience, and ethical behavior through encouragement and constructive feedback, they risk raising children who comply out of fear rather than understanding. Empathy, patience, and recognition of effort are essential elements in helping children flourish. Shifting the focus toward approval does not preclude discipline but ensures a balance that supports healthy development and enduring family bonds.