"The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us"

Quentin Crisp’s assertion shines a light on the inherent tension between self-perception and societal perception. Human beings are naturally inclined to hold themselves in a positive, sometimes idealized, regard. Each of us curates an internal narrative, constructing self-worth and identity from our achievements, virtues, and the intentions guiding our actions. This “glowing opinion” of ourselves fortifies confidence and provides a foundation for action, fostering motivation and resilience amid life’s challenges.

However, Crisp points out that our self-image often clashes with how others see us. Despite our best efforts, the perceptions, judgments, and biases of others can paint a drastically different, sometimes “appalling,” picture. These external opinions are shaped by misunderstandings, limited perspectives, and incompatible values. The sharp contrast between our inner sense of self and the criticisms or dismissals from others can generate significant discomfort, insecurity, and alienation.

Reconciling these two realities, the internal and external, emerges as a central task of our existence. We are motivated not simply by a desire to be loved or respected, but by the deep, persistent need to have our inner reality recognized and validated by the outside world. The struggle to bridge this gap fuels both personal growth and much of our psychological suffering. We might adapt our behavior, communicate our intentions more clearly, or challenge unjust judgments in our quest to close this divide.

At its heart, Crisp’s insight suggests that much of what it means to be human is wrapped up in this ongoing negotiation. The gulf between how we see ourselves and how others see us will never be fully closed; there will always be blind spots, misunderstandings, and irreconcilable opinions. Yet, it is in the effort to reconcile, however imperfectly, that we discover purpose, develop empathy, and cultivate authenticity.