"They're not put on earth to be martyrs; they have to want to come out. It depends on your culture, where you work, where you live. Each person's circumstances are unique"

Billie Jean King speaks to the tension between visibility and self-preservation. Not everyone is called, or able, to turn their life into a public stand, and demanding martyrdom from marginalized people can become another form of coercion. Coming out can be liberating and transformative, but it is not a moral obligation owed to society; it is a personal decision that must be chosen, not conscripted.

Her emphasis on culture, work, and place highlights how safety and opportunity are unequally distributed. A supportive city, protective laws, and inclusive workplaces cushion risk; hostile communities, precarious employment, or punitive legal systems magnify it. Family dynamics, religious expectations, immigration status, and economic dependence can all heighten stakes. What looks like hesitation from the outside may be prudent self-care from the inside.

Uniqueness matters. Identity intersects with race, class, disability, and gender expression, shaping both danger and solidarity. Two people with the same orientation can face vastly different consequences for the same disclosure. Respecting that reality means resisting purity tests. One person’s brave visibility should not become another’s burden.

Allyship follows from this ethic of autonomy. The right stance is to expand choices rather than impose them: build safer schools and workplaces, strengthen legal protections, offer confidential support, and normalize privacy without suspicion. The aim is to change conditions so that people can want to come out, not to shame them into doing so before they are ready.

Authenticity is not all-or-nothing. Many navigate selectively, sharing where trust exists and withholding where harm looms. That discernment is not cowardice; it is wisdom in an uneven world. Progress is best measured not by the quantity of public declarations, but by the degree to which everyone can choose their own timing without fear. Honor the individuality of the journey, and work to reduce the cost of honesty.