"When a man spends his time giving his wife criticism and advice instead of compliments, he forgets that it was not his good judgment, but his charming manners, that won her heart"

Helen Rowland’s statement highlights a profound truth about the dynamics of romantic relationships, especially within marriage. Her observation centers on the contrast between the initial attraction of lovers and the change that often follows commitment. Early during courtship, men often deploy their charm, warmth, and compliments, qualities that naturally draw partners closer. The woman is won over by these attentive manners, by feeling seen, appreciated, and valued.

However, after marriage or during long-term partnership, some men, feeling comfortable or even complacent, shift their approach. Instead of maintaining the affectionate behaviors that first fostered love, they begin to focus on criticism or unsolicited advice. They substitute heartfelt praise with corrections, solutions, and sometimes judgmental commentary, under the belief that their experience or insights are what their wives need most. Yet, this change often neglects the emotional aspect that is foundational for intimate connection.

Rowland’s words are a gentle admonition to remember that love thrives on appreciation and kindness. It was not a display of superior reasoning, intellect, or managerial skills that initially captivated their spouse, but rather a genuine warmth and attentiveness. The implication is that many men, after marriage, unconsciously abandon the very behaviors that made them beloved, replacing encouragement with improvement efforts and seeing themselves as fixers rather than partners.

Her quote suggests that sustaining love demands consistent charm and affirmation, not constant corrections and directives. Mutual respect and sincere appreciation are vital to keep affection alive. Instead of assuming the role of a critic or adviser, nurturing the relationship with the same charm that once won a partner's heart ensures emotional closeness and deepens marital satisfaction. In essence, the art of loving isn’t about superior judgment, but about making one’s partner feel cherished, just as they did in the beginning.