"You should tell her how nice her outfit is because her outfit is her choice whereas her face isn't"

Compliments carry power; they signal what we value about one another. The advice to praise an outfit rather than a face redirects attention from what is inherited to what is chosen, from biology to authorship. Clothing is a curated expression of taste, culture, mood, and effort; recognizing it affirms agency. You’re saying, I see what you made, not simply I’ve judged what you are. That shift is ethically and emotionally important, especially for women, who have long been evaluated and disciplined through their appearance.

Commenting on a face often operates as a verdict on flesh, an intimate terrain that the listener did not choose and cannot change. Even when intended as kind, it can carry the shadow of entitlement: your body exists for my assessment. Praising a chosen ensemble, by contrast, acknowledges labor and creativity: the time spent selecting, styling, budgeting, and negotiating norms. It feels more like appreciation than appraisal, more like dialogue than decree. It tends to respect boundaries, landing with less possessive or sexualized undertone.

There’s also a psychological logic. Compliments on controllable aspects encourage experimentation and growth, whereas compliments on fixed traits can tighten anxiety around preserving them. The message becomes: your decisions matter; your self-fashioning is seen.

Nuance matters. Wardrobe “choices” are shaped by money, culture, workplace codes, and safety. Agency is real but not absolute. And the larger principle shouldn’t trap anyone in aesthetic judgments alone. Beyond outfits, praise ideas, humor, diligence, kindness, the many realms where people exercise will and craft. Context, relationship, and tone still govern whether any compliment lands as respect or intrusion.

At heart, the advice is a small recalibration of the social gaze. Direct attention toward what people build rather than what they inherited. Admire expression, not ownership claims. Let compliments honor autonomy, not reinforce a hierarchy of looks.