"In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one"
"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican"
"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf"
"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place"
"It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man"
"Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago"
"Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on"
"Man is a beautiful machine that works very badly"
"Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince"
"Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true"
"An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup"
"All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it"
"All government, of course, is against liberty"
"Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil"
"Adultery is the application of democracy to love"
"A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents"
"I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone"
"Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient"
"For it is mutual trust, even more than mutual interest that holds human associations together. Our friends seldom profit us but they make us feel safe. Marriage is a scheme to accomplish exactly that same end"
"For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing"
"Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time"
"I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time"
"Historian: an unsuccessful novelist"
"Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the Atlantic Ocean, and missing? That's the way the mind of man operates"
