"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog"
"Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms"
"Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all"
"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation"
"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry"
"The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year"
"The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this"
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time"
"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word"
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug"
"The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes"
"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up"
"Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself"
"Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about"
"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside"
"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet"
"Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we.""
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives"
"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat"
"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits"
"Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid"
"No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon"
"Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow"
"Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it"
"By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean"
"Better a broken promise than none at all"
"Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written"
"As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake"
"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today"
"Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary"
"All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure"
"George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie"
"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand"
"In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours"
"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't"
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example"
"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children"
"Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned"
"Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it"
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
"'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read"
"Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities"
"We are all alike, on the inside"
"We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world"
"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody"
"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer"
"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it"
"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't"
"Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so"
"There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy"
