"A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it"

"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"

"It is surely easier to confess a murder over a cup of coffee than in front of a jury"

"Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after"

"Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second"

"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum"

"I never worked in a coffee shop and I don't drink coffee, so I never thought I would become a coffee pusher on TV"

"I like cappuccino, actually. But even a bad cup of coffee is better than no coffee at all"

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee"

"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries"

"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning"