"But when I don't smoke I scarcely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm killing myself"

Russell Hoban's quote, "But when I don't smoke I rarely feel as if I'm living. I don't feel as if I'm living unless I'm eliminating myself", poignantly encapsulates the paradoxical relationship between self-destructive routines and the understanding of vitality and satisfaction. This statement can be unraveled to reveal layers of complexity relating to human habits, dependency, and the existential struggle.

At its core, the quote highlights an addictive behavior's grip on the speaker. Cigarette smoking, a routine understood for its destructive health results, signifies both a physical and mental dependency. The speaker's assertion that they don't feel alive without smoking cigarettes highlights the extensive impact addiction can have on an individual's sense of self and their everyday presence. This accessory surpasses simple physical yearning; it represents a deep-seated psychological dependence where the compound ends up being linked with one's identity and experience of life.

Moreover, the conviction that a person is just "living" when engaged in an activity that is all at once "killing" suggests a profound existential paradox. This paradox can be seen as a broader metaphor for the human condition-- how individuals often discover themselves drawn to behaviors or lifestyles that, while providing instant satisfaction or a semblance of vitality, eventually cause long-lasting hinderance. Here, Hoban may be speaking to the tension between instant pleasure and long-lasting well-being, a stress numerous people navigate daily.

Moreover, the quote welcomes reflection on the nature of life and death. The act of cigarette smoking is represented not just as a life-affirming routine however also as a dance with mortality, suggesting that challenging one's mortality might bring an acute awareness of living. In this light, the quote could be a commentary on the human desire to feel deeply, even if those sensations bring one closer to the edge.

In sum, Hoban's quote efficiently records the complex dance between addiction, identity, and existential meaning, using a glimpse into the human propensity to pursue devastating habits for the sake of sensation 'alive.'.