"I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes"

W. C. Fields, known for his wit and comic persona, employs both humor and irony in his remark about abstaining from drinking water because it "rusts pipes". His words offer a playful justification for avoiding water, linking the health advice of his day with exaggerated logic. By equating the human body to mechanical infrastructure, pipes subject to rust when exposed to water, Fields gently mocks both the seriousness with which people advocate for healthy habits and the use of scientific reasoning in everyday decisions.

There is an implicit satire directed at social norms and conventional wisdom regarding health and wellness. Fields, whose comedic persona often embodied mischievous rebellion against authority and propriety, uses this line to subvert expectations. While medical advice consistently highlights water's importance for health, Fields claims the opposite with feigned logic. The deliberate absurdity of water causing human “pipes” to rust provokes amusement at how health claims can sometimes be taken or misunderstood.

The quote also alludes to Fields’ well-known fondness for alcoholic beverages, especially at a time when temperance movements were active and alcohol consumption was a subject of public concern. By framing water as the undesirable choice, Fields elevates the preference for something stronger, cementing his reputation as a lovable rogue with unconventional tastes. Audiences are invited to laugh at both the speaker’s playful disregard for health advice and his clever twisting of language.

Beneath the surface humor lies a gentle jab at human nature’s tendency to rationalize our little vices. Everyone is occasionally guilty of inventing justifications for habits we know may not be the best choices. By couching his avoidance of water in such a ridiculous metaphor, Fields makes light both of himself and the broader human inclination to favor indulgence over abstinence, all while keeping the mood light and jovial.