"So, I guess we are who we are for alot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them"
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Identity is layered and contingent; so much of who we are is sedimented from forces we barely notice, family dynamics, chance meetings, cultural currents, biological temperament, accidents both tender and painful. The admission that most of these causes will remain obscure is an act of humility. It resists the tidy story that life can always be reverse-engineered into neat lessons. Yet the absence of full explanations is not a sentence to stagnation. Not choosing our origins does not mean forfeiting our trajectory. Circumstance sets the stage; agency writes the next scene.
The pivot is modest but radical: choose where to go from here. That choice might not look cinematic. It can be the quiet decision to seek help, to extend an apology, to leave an unhealthy room, to read a book that reframes a life, to show up again tomorrow. Such choices accumulate into direction. They do not negate the weight of the past, but they redistribute it, altering how it is carried. Action becomes a way to negotiate fate without pretending to escape it.
Equally important is the invitation to “try to feel okay” about what we do. This is not a license for careless behavior; it is a call to self-compassion that keeps effort sustainable. Guilt can signal a moral compass, but chronic shame paralyzes. Feeling okay is earned through intention, accountability, and learning; it is how we remain capable of choosing again. There is also a social ethic here: recognizing that others are shaped by invisible reasons can temper judgment and cultivate gentler communities where new choices feel possible.
Underneath the simplicity lies an existential syllabus: accept the opacity of origins, claim the agency of direction, act within your limits, and practice a kindness that lets you continue. You are not only what happened to you; you are what you decide to do next.
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