"The man that thinks he loves his mistress for her own sake is mightily mistaken"

Francois de La Rochefoucauld, renowned for his cynical and sharp observations of human nature, suggests a deep skepticism regarding romantic attachment. He asserts that a man who believes his love for his mistress is purely selfless or rooted solely in her qualities is greatly deceived. Human affections, according to La Rochefoucauld, are far more self-referential and contingent than we tend to admit.

Love, especially of the passionate and romantic kind, is rarely if ever divorced from personal gratification, desire, or ego. The man in question perceives his devotion as a form of pure admiration, assuming that he has placed the object of his affection entirely above himself. However, La Rochefoucauld insists that such emotional elevation is an illusion. Every affection, no matter how idealized, is colored by an undercurrent of self-interest. The qualities that draw us to another tend to be the ones that excite pleasure, pride, or some kind of benefit within ourselves. Attraction, admiration, even noble acts of devotion are, upon closer examination, intertwined with personal satisfaction. Whether it is the joy of feeling needed, the pride of being loved in return, or the sense of accomplishment in winning someone’s affection, the roots of love inevitably tangle with the roots of self-love.

La Rochefoucauld’s insight punctures romantic idealism. The lover, convinced of his own unselfish worship, overlooks how his love reflects his own desires, fantasies, and needs. Behind the surface adoration exists a subconscious calculus: what does loving this person do for me? Even empathy and devotion can masquerade as other-serving when they secretly fulfill aspects of the lover’s ego. Thus, human relationships, even those dressed in passion and sacrifice, are deeply complex and laced with self-regard. Awareness of this reality does not diminish love, but reframes it as an intricate interplay between the self and the beloved, honest in its imperfection and dependent on the very nature of human motivation.