"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder"
About this Quote
Morrison doesn’t accuse parents of bruises and broken bones; he indicts them for something more socially acceptable: the slow erasure of a self. The shock phrase "commit murder with smiles" works because it collides two images we’re trained to keep separate. Family love is supposed to be safe, reassuring, and selfless. Murder is the ultimate taboo. By welding them together, he exposes the darker bargain hiding inside "good intentions": conformity sold as care.
The intent is provocation, but not just for theatrics. Morrison is naming a specific kind of violence common in mid-century American life, the era he grew up in: the pressure to be normal, productive, polite, and legible. Parents and relatives become the front line of that project, not because they’re villains, but because they’re scared. They’ve learned that difference gets punished, and they pass that fear down as guidance. Smiles matter here. The coercion isn’t delivered as cruelty; it arrives as advice, praise, concern, and the soft blackmail of belonging.
Subtextually, Morrison is defending the unruly interior life - sexuality, ambition, anger, oddness, artistry - the parts that don’t fit in a respectable family photo. "They force us" shifts agency away from the child, framing self-betrayal as a survival tactic: you learn to kill off the inconvenient parts to keep love. That’s why he calls it "subtle": it’s not a single act but a lifelong training in self-censorship, the kind that leaves no scars except the feeling that you’re living someone else’s life.
The intent is provocation, but not just for theatrics. Morrison is naming a specific kind of violence common in mid-century American life, the era he grew up in: the pressure to be normal, productive, polite, and legible. Parents and relatives become the front line of that project, not because they’re villains, but because they’re scared. They’ve learned that difference gets punished, and they pass that fear down as guidance. Smiles matter here. The coercion isn’t delivered as cruelty; it arrives as advice, praise, concern, and the soft blackmail of belonging.
Subtextually, Morrison is defending the unruly interior life - sexuality, ambition, anger, oddness, artistry - the parts that don’t fit in a respectable family photo. "They force us" shifts agency away from the child, framing self-betrayal as a survival tactic: you learn to kill off the inconvenient parts to keep love. That’s why he calls it "subtle": it’s not a single act but a lifelong training in self-censorship, the kind that leaves no scars except the feeling that you’re living someone else’s life.
Quote Details
| Topic | Parenting |
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